Paranoia? [open!]

[margaret elizabeth iver]

The seventeen year old stared out across the lawn. She decided the sweep of the gaze was romantic but the shed stood in the way, taking away from the natural view. In a quick second, Elizabeth decided that she did not enjoy staring at that shed that housed such childish things; where could she go with a bicycle? What enjoyment would she have playing four square? The young Healer wrinkled her nose in disgust and felt as if the walls closed in around her. This familiar claustrophobic feeling seized her again, even in the lawns where she swore she could see the high, unending arches of the gate surrounding the school.

"Like prison," she muttered below her breath. A cold chill went up her spine despite the humid heat that made her perspire a little. She contemplated on how she felt today. The medicine seemed to help take the edge off of her fear around people, but she experienced side effects. Now she became cautious of her mood although never tied the two together.

A sigh escaped her lips; today was not among the best days. Unfortunately one of the nurses scolded her today. The reason escaped her, probably because of the medication that she might have forgotten to take. Just the thought of taking her pills revolted her; why would she want to be hooked on medicine the rest of her life? Elizabeth occasionally thought of this, today just happened to be one of those days.

She sat, hunched over, somewhat leaning against a large oak tree that provided some shade in the sun. Her skin base, although somewhat olive, still burned. A few other people scattered themselves across the lawn; Elizabeth sometimes wished she could walk and sit outside with the entire outdoors to herself. With a shrug, she refocused on her book, although the words jumbled themselves together and eventually her eyes glazed over.

"Too loud," she complained. Her eyes, recovering from being glazed, looked up scornfully upon the small number of people, a number that she deemed to be a crowd. Paranoia, they told her. Paranoia found its way in, wound its way to her mind, and for a time or two she strongly believed she suffered from such a thing. Elizabeth bit her bottom lip and focused on the idea of reading. It sounded like a lovely idea. But the concentration just wasn't there today. So she sat, not looking very relaxed, and stared out at the other people, probably making a few uncomfortable. How she wished she wasn't so antisocial or afraid of people. Stupid paranoia.

[emma marie van bruhnt]

"Emma crept across the back of her house, doing a double take of what was behind her. Seeing as no one was there she continued creeping toward the other end of the house, her back to the wall." Emma softly spoke the words describing what she called "her own adventure". Though the adventure usually only included walking or "stealthily creeping" around the campus lawn, usually getting herself embarrassed and a few weird looks. Today was not one of those calm Emma days. It was a boring day that she was trying to make fun.

She peered around the side of her house, spotting a girl under an oak tree near by and several kids scattered across the lawns. "Reaching the edge of that house, she peaked her head out taking in the going ons in the middle of Dr. Davidoff's evil laboratory. Many scientist were working hard, trying to figure out what was going wrong with the experiments they held in cages, but one was merely leaning against a steel frame away from the rest. Her first victim." Not really her first victim, but someone Emma could surely walk up behind and scare.

Squinting she realized it was Elizabeth from her own house. She wasn't very social and thinking about it, giving her a little scare was probably not the greatest idea. Perhaps she would just go talk to her, without embarrassing herself preferably. Though being in the same house, Elizabeth most certainly witnessed Emma embarrass herself and fall down quite a lot. It was not exactly something she rarely did. "How about a change of scenerio. Emma Van Bruhnt talks to the lonely girl under the tree....not very appealing but will have to do."

She took a deep breath, scanning for tree roots or really anything that could possibly trip her before casually walking over to the young girl. Maybe she would get a new friend out of it, Elizabeth never really talked to anyone and Emma mostly just did small talk not wanting to get too involved with someone who could be leaving or being transfered sometime soon. She had been here for almost four years, not counting some of the months she was aloud to leave and had seen several kids come and go, most of them transferring to what the Nurses called a more secure area. Emma was greatful that she was recovering rather well, according to everyone else. But she had been keeping a few secrets from everyone.

Doing exactly what she had hoped she wouldn't, Emma had been too caught up in her thoughts to pay attention to her feet and slipping on who knows what, landed herself flat on her back looking up at the face of Elizabeth. She smiled through the small aching that was now going through her back and looked up to the sky. She gave a nervous laugh and tried to put out a funny line, "Nice weather we're having, huh?"

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[margaret elizabeth iver]

From her small little nest, Elizabeth watched the life thrive around her. Her eyes went in a daze and for a few minutes, she sat, unblinking. This was how she grounded herself, so to speak. A girl with a rich inner life always needed time to calm herself down. A figure coming closer to her, in a . . . different sort of way caught her eye. She allowed her eyes to follow the movements of Emma, a girl who resided in her house. Elizabeth didn't know much of Emma; she thought of the girl a little bit, but nothing more than that. What was there to think of a stranger? Sure, for a year she lived in that house, possibly a little less time, but for living in a house for almost a year she realized more and more how little she knew everyone. Not that she put much time in friendship; she attempted the investment but because of her diagnosed disease and her beliefs, she stayed away.

To be honest, Elizabeth felt somewhat content here. No friend by her side, but not having any conversation was all right with her. The art of conversation never came easily to her; she grew up with a brother and that was the only person who knew her secrets. Well, that was mostly her cat, Aurora, who unfortunately stayed at home. Home.

But she looked up again and saw Emma heading her way toward where she sat. Elizabeth didn't know what to think. Now paying attention, she looked behind her, but who was really behind her? The girl tilted her head to the side in question and pursed her lips. Something felt wrong though; she saw the girl slip on whatever laid inconspicuously in her way, and she swore she heard the thump. Even a little bump like that made Elizabeth feel frantic. Despite the laugh and the funny line, she looked at Emma through wild eyes, concerned nevertheless.

"Are you all right?" she quickly blubbered out. She looked down to Emma who at least looked like she wasn't in too much pain, but Elizabeth didn't know anything for certain. For the first time in awhile, she offered a smile; she tried to work through her fears and doubts. Maybe a friend. . . today was one of the days the loneliness would creep up and get her while she was daydreaming. "Is there anything I can do to help?" The question nearly popped out out of habit, out of beliefs the scientists tried to tone down and tried so hard to get rid of. "I mean, the nurses office or something?"

Nice weather . . . The first time the statement registered in her mind that finally stopped flying at such a frantic pace. Elizabeth laughed musically and nodded. "Yes . . . nice weather." But saying anything more was obsolete. She tried moving closer to the tree and forgot to make her insecurities anything resembling subtle. It was just a habit, something Elizabeth did; so far nearly everyone seemed to accept the fact that she was unconditionally shy to a point where she didn't want to be around anyone.

[emma marie van bruhnt]

Laying on the ground, Emma took in three deep breathes as everything around her began to slow down, not as much as it used to but enough for her to be able to notice. Especially because Elizabeth's voice had slowed down, which unlike in movies, does not make the person's voice sound lower. She squeezed her eyes shut and counted to ten, something the councilor had told her to do, and as she opened them everything was back to normal and she was able to catch Elizabeth's offer for help.

Sitting up, she blinked a few more times checking to make sure everything was good before a huge smile landed on her lips. "I'm great! Fall all the time. Down the stairs, on the grass as you can see, and just about every other place in this campus." She babbled on a little, a calm tone in her voice and denied the girls offer to take Emma to the nurse. She was there plenty enough and surely did not feel up to getting another lecture from one of the nurses.

Being as clumsy as she was, Emma was at the nurses office too often. Usually the nurse would just laugh at her telling of her own clumsy experiences. Of course she wasn't anywhere near as clumsy but everyone falls down sometime. Recently, however, the nurse wasn't quite laughing but more of lecturing her that if she goes and messes herself up more she won't be able to recover. Emma had suspicions the councilor said such thing. They weren't exactly on good terms with each other.

Looking over toward Elizabeth she noticed her move closer to the tree. "Hmm...I guess you are really shy. Work on it, friends make everything better." She gave a genuine smile. Friends did help with a lot, and Emma had a lot of friends but she didn't really get too close because of the whole recovery or failed recovery factor. Most who recovered did it in about two years and those who didn't were transfered. Emma had been here for four, thinking that it was because of that darned councilor once again. He probably knows she's been hiding things or just doesn't want to set her free. Thankfully occasionally Dr. Davidoff lets those who have been a patient for a longer time have extended vacations.

She shook her thoughts off and returned to reality. "How about starting with small talk?" she suggested to Elizabeth. She didn't want the poor girl to die a lonely looney. 'Ha. A lonely looney. Like the rest of us loonies...'. She laughed to herself before continuing her line of thought. "How long have you been in here?"

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[margaret elizabeth iver]

Elizabeth, while she herself was never considered the graceful one, hardly ever fell entirely like the sweeping display Emma put on. And it was only on rare occasions that she found herself in a situation like this. The girl felt her heart beat rapidly increase and she nearly worried herself to death over the girl's well being. She bit the inside of her jaw, a distraction that she attempted to rely on but that did no good. Her palms felt sweaty and Elizabeth tried wiping them on her shirt, but they were damp and shaking unnoticeably from nerves.

But the calm voice of Emma seemed to soothe away any fears Elizabeth held and it was now she realized she had been holding her breath as well. A sigh of relief. Her shoulders slumped a little more and her gaze momentarily lingered elsewhere before returning to the collected face of Emma. "I'm glad you're not too terribly hurt," she responded. Whenever she found herself in the presence of strangers (even those who resided in the same house, Elizabeth considered a stranger) her voice sounded weak and faltering. It was simply part of her diagnosis that she believed in more and more each passing day.

"I've never seen a fall like that before. Nothing like that usually happens . . . around me at least." Her voice still wavered a little bit, clutched in fear, but Elizabeth did her best to try. And she no longer shook any more; her hands appeared steady and her face wasn't constricted in shock. But the "work on it" command made her bite her lip. She took orders every day and hearing it from a fellow student here made something twitch. Her spine straightened and she looked curiously at Emma, but her gaze eventually dropped. "I just don't usually find myself in the presence of someone for this long."

This was why she took to reading. Words never hurt Elizabeth when they appeared in a book. Her favorite had to be Jane Eyre. They seemed to understand each other, although Elizabeth readily agreed poor Jane's life was much more tragic than her own. But they both held habits of being quiet, perhaps Jane wasn't considerably shy, but Elizabeth liked to think she was. Often times in these situations which she strived to calm her nerves, she wondered what Jane would do. The medicine helped a little bit, but brushing up against people bothered her.

"I suppose so. I have been working on it for quiet some time; I am better. Better than I was." Which was the truth. She could have run completely across this field to avoid Emma, but she stayed. A small victory but Elizabeth gloated in that small fact. She refocused on Emma though. "Okay." It was a simple agreement; surely she could do small talk. "I've been here for almost a year. I haven't counted the months." It kept her from feeling more secluded and depressed she assumed. "How about you?"

By now her voice sounded smoother than it did originally; she slowly warmed up to the idea. Of course nothing changed in a split second. But Elizabeth tried putting her best foot forward. Small talk.

[emma marie van bruhnt]

Emma smiled appreciatively as Elizabeth offered her sympathy, though her voice was weak. Bets were that she was just scared in the presence of others she really did not know. Though what there was to be scared of almost puzzled her. There were a lot of creepers out in the world but she was most definitely not one. She would be really bad one at that.

Another thought occurred to her. Maybe it was apart of her diagnosis. While there were those who actually followed through with their diagnosis, many acted like regular teenagers. Unhappy teenagers for the most part, but still normal. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

"Never seen a fall like that? That was nothing! I've fallen off ladders before!" She grinned. Her favorite part was telling others all the ways she has fallen before. They were like horror stories except funny. Even her mother who would gasp and anyone else who fell and hurt themselves laughed, though that could be from the fact that Emma rarely got hurt. Some how she always found herself landing safely. Her thoughts lingered for a few more seconds before she came back to reality.

Elizabeth wasn't normally in the presence of someone for this long? That was almost hard to believe. 'What does she do at school, sit in a corner?' She decided it was best not to ask. She didn't want to hurt her feelings and it was not exactly any of her business as to how Elizabeth acted.

"I wish I had only been here for a year. I've been here for four. The councilor is out to get me!" She laughed at the thought of their councilor chasing her aroun. "Every time Dr. Davidoff comes because he thinks I'm ready to leave that mean guy whispers something in his ear and instead I only get to leave for either a week or month." She didn't really mind anymore though. Her friends from school weren't exactly the nicest, to her they were but to anyone else they weren't. She also added the fact that they hadn't emailed her back or even attempted to make contact with her. "I don't mind though. It's....interesting here."

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